So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
