yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
