some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
