shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
