Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
