Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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