it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We had sex on a dog bed..
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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