So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize