doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
why didn't you poke me back
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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