The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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