big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
