My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
