i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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