Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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