I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
