Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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