what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
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