Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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