Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
