You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
