the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
