So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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