The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
