he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
