am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize