Soap is not a condiment
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
