i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So squirting runs in the family.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
