My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
