Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
