It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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