Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
