I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
