Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
