Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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