so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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