do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
