I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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