this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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