he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
