hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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