im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
