So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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