It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
