she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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