Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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