Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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