i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
