i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Drake has all the answers
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize