I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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