i need an iv and a liver transplant
i would punch a child for taco bell
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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