Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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