Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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