my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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