Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
