i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
