I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
