Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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