CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Randomize
