Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
