dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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