I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
