There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
