Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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