After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
