I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you win again, gameday.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
