I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
