Ketchup is God's man juice
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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