Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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