it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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